ACC Power Rankings: ‘Nashville’ Edition
The ACC POWER RANKINGS are back! You might remember past editions that chronicled the trials of the conference as characters of LOST, Mad Men, The Wire, heck, even the characters of the Mad Max trilogy, and this time around we do not dare disappoint. To sum up this young season of nonconference games, we’ve taken on everybody’s (read: everybody who writes for this blog’s) favorite guilty pleasure, ABC’s Nashville. What drew us to this show? Why, Tami Taylor, naturally, but what we discovered was a RICH NARRATIVE, my friends, and plenty of characters that just begged to be written into power rankings lore.
1. Duke – Lamar Wyatt: Old blood and money, Lamar used to run Nashville as mayor and continues to do it again behind the scenes. He seemingly always has a hand in something, much like Duke’s always got a hand in your business not getting any touch fouls called on them. Lamar and Duke are both well regarded, and you don’t really want to cross paths with them.
2. Maryland – Teddy Conrad: Both Maryland and Teddy are in the business of not letting themselves fail. Teddy couldn’t let his real estate deal go belly up while Maryland couldn’t let its decimated Athletic Department suffer the same fate, so they went for the money, whatever that took. Maryland, much like Teddy at this point, is completely untrustworthy yet sitting on the winning side. Maryland is working it’s way up rankings and Teddy is in the lead of the mayoral race.
3. NC State – Juliette Barnes: In Nashville, Juliette is the Taylor Swift-type, pop-country sensation that is overshadowing Rayna in every way, much like State’s preseason hype over UNC. After some miscues (small scale Winona Ryder-esque thievery), Juliette’s public image plummeted like NC State did down the polls after a couple losses and flaws were exposed. Now UNC and NC State are both at low points and living with the realization that they kind of need each other to get back to the top and knock off that other Triangle rival, again, much like Juliette and Rayna need each other to tour.
4. UNC – Rayna Jaymes: The industry heavyweight struggling to find herself right now, Rayna is experimenting with a new sound (UNC’s small, 4-guard lineup) and seems poised to reclaim her throne at any moment, but has to put the pieces of her personal life together. Similarly, UNC has got to find out how to put its pieces together and settle on a solid, starting lineup. Both Rayna and UNC have the hardware from past accomplishments, but now they have to prove they’re still on top. It’s almost too easy.
5. Miami – Scarlett O’Connor: Of all the talent on the show, it was little Scarlett that turned heads during a performance at the Bluebird Cafe and got a recording deal out of it. As far as hidden talent goes, Miami has been more successful that many of us were expecting, knocking off Michigan State in the Big Ten Challenge. Only thing is, Scarlett’s non-singing voice is beyond annoying, kind like Miami’s inhouse DJ. Actually, having a DJ at a basketball game is awesome. We cannot say the same for poor Scarlett’s voice. GOD, THAT VOICE.
6. Virginia Tech – Deacon Claybourne: VT has been lost for years like Deacon has been while backing up Rayna. Now that they’ve come out of the shadow of Greenberg and Deacon has come out of the shadow of Rayna, things are starting to look bright (and sober).
7. Virginia – Gunnar Scott: Gunnar seems like a nice enough guy. He seems to be doing the right thing, but he’s messing up on reaching his ultimate goal of winning Scarlett’s affections. UVA always seems to be doing the right thing with its pack-line defense and deliberate pace, but does it really accomplish the goal of becoming a winning basketball team? We’re not so sure.
8. Florida State – Coleman Carlisle: We know Leonard Hamilton is Bunny Colvin from The Wire, who is now Coleman on Nashville, so this choice is obvious. Coleman is currently down on his luck and pulling out all the stops in the mayoral race, exposing those photos of Teddy like FSU exposed those co-eds to Andrew Wiggins. Can’t help but cheer for him as he’s up against the old guard of Lamar (who’s backing Teddy) like FSU is up against UK in the Wiggins recruiting race.
9. Georgia Tech – Avery Barkley: Besides that voice, Scarlett is a doll. That’s why we hate what the doucher Avery put her through. The former live-in BF of Scarlett is in his own band (is everyone in Nashville attempting a career in music?) and been trying to make it. After finally getting some looks at clubs, he sleeps with an agent to get him and his boys ahead, causing the demise of Scarvery (Averlett?). We figure this is like the demise of the Thriller Dome. UNC was awful playing in Atlanta but GT has a brand new arena. Good riddance, right? Problem is, the bones of the new Thriller Dome are the same as the old, as is the roof, so it’s not like it really went anywhere. Avery is sure to stay around and meddle with Scarlett’s life. Poor girl.
10. Clemson – Liam McGuinnis: Liam is helping Rayna get her groove back, he’s kind of a drunk, and a wild card. Clemson seems to be getting its groove back under Brad Brownell after years of getting Purnell’d, but the Tigers are also a wild card. They’ll go out and get beaten by an absolutely TERRIBLE Purdue team, and then take Arizona down to the wire almost a week later.
11. Boston College – Sean Butler: Nashville’s requisite Tim Tebow character. Sean’s the golden boy QB who was a stud in college but his first year in the NFL has been awful. BC is a good Catholic school that was decent inDonahue’s first year but has fallen to a godawful state. Sean gets set up with Juliette to help clean up her image and make him look like a real person, but, surprise, he won’t have sex with Juliettebecause he’s saving himself for marriage. In the winter finale Juliette decides she’s had enough and proposes to him. Basically, Sean is a little BITCH! BC lost to Harvard for like the 5th straight year and is also a little BITCH. Ergo, BC=Sean.
12. Wake Forest – Jolene Barnes: Juliette’s drug addict mom, probably sees those ugly yellow tie-dye shirts every time she closes her eyes. Juliette just can’t get her out of her life completely like Wake can’t get Bzdelik out.