ACC Power Rankings – The Wire Edition
If you plan on watching the (insert adjective that means “ultimate best ever spectacular awesome” — perhaps SPECTULIMAWESOMEST!) series The Wire, you should not read the following Power Rankings. Yes, they are excellent Power Rankings, but they also reveal some plot twists that you’d be pissed about knowing. Like if someone told you that Bruce Willis was dead before you saw the Sixth Sens…….shit.
We like to recycle around here, so if this seems familiar, it’s because we’ve done it with LOST and Mad Men the past two years. Miraculously, every season of ACC basketball seems to mirror the great TV dramas of our time. It’s almost like we’re just making it up!
Holiday gourging might have slowed the blog posts down, but it’s a new year with resolutions and everything. Ours is to post more frequently with these types of features – perhaps REGULARENTOFTEN? On to the Power Rankings.
1. UNC – Avon Barksdale/Marlo Stanfield – UNC is the king pin. It controls what’s going down in the game. Depending on which season you watch, that’s either Avon or Marlo. Like Avon, UNC always does things the “right way,’ whether that be using Dean Smith’s principles or the code of “the game.” With the likes of John Henson, Harrison Barnes, Tyler Zeller and the rest of the Tar Heels seeing significant PT, UNC has plenty of minions, just like Marlo had Chris and Snoop to do his dirty work. You know in the game, no one really wins, but Marlo gets off pretty easy in the end, and we think the Heels ACC schedule will allow them to get off easy until NCAA tournament play begins. It’s a down year.
2. Duke – Russell “Stringer” Bell – Stringer is the architect behind the Barksdale crew’s rise to power, but it’s only when Avon (see: UNC) is out of the picture that he takes control. Kind of like Coach K, he’s the evil genius pulling strings on his way to power and fortune. He treats the game like a business, much like K treats basketball. Everything seems to be going well for String, kind of like Duke seems to be doing well with it’s lofty ranking, but in the end, you know Stringer gets got.
3. UVA – Michael Lee – UVA is the up-and-comer with potential. They work hard on defense like Michael works hard to be a role model for his little brother and still be respected in the game. If you’re going to play any team in the ACC, this is the one you might not see coming. You’d expect it from UNC and Duke, but UVA? Yeah, Bodie didn’t see it coming from Michael, either. #RIP
4. N.C. State – D’Angelo “Dee” Barksdale – He’s Avon’s (UNC) little bitch nephew. You really want to like him, but he just doesn’t ever stand up for himself, and he complains A LOT. State’s had its chances to prove itself – against Vandy, Indiana and Syracuse – but just hasn’t pulled through. In the end, Dee just ends up getting punked by Stringer.
5. Miami – Lt. Cedric Daniels – As a school, Miami has a checkered past academically and is prone to a scandal or two. Daniels himself has a checkered past from the Eastern but much like new head coach Jim Larranaga, he’s experienced and newly dedicated to doing everything on the up and up.
6. Va. Tech – Roland “Mr. Prezbo” Pryzbylewski – Prez just couldn’t cut it as a “po-lease.” Va. Tech just can’t cut it as a tourney team. #dropsthemic
7. FSU – Howard “Bunny” Colvin – Just look at the resemblance between Leonard Hamilton and Bunny. Next. (Shout out to lonelytailgater.com, who had also noticed this resemblance and put together that pic)
8. Maryland – Felicia “Snoop” Pearson – The actress who played Snoop basically played herself in the series. She’s a real banger from the street, and seeing as how Maryland is the closest school geographically to B-more, we had to give them the real thing. Snoop has quite a reputation and isn’t afraid to do dirty work for Marlo (UNC) by knocking off opponents (like Duke.) — We know, Snoop doesn’t take out String so it’s not a perfect analogy, but you get the idea.
9. Clemson – Lester Freamon – People outside the ACC may forget that Clemson plays basketball. People forgot Lester Freamon from the pawn shop unit was real police. Clemson isn’t looking that hot this season, but they are always a threat to break a case/cause an upset with guys like Milton Jennings and Devin Booker.
10. Wake Forest – Maurice Levy – The lawyer is the brains behind the top dogs (Avon/Marlo/Stringer). Wake is the brains and the least physically imposing out of the Tobacco Road crew. Eh? Get it? He’s fat and not intimidating just like Wake.
11. Georgia Tech – Jimmy McNulty – Yeah, he was good po-lice once. And he always teases at being good police again. He’s a smooth talker (former coach Paul Hewitt) in a pretty package (Atlanta) so he can pull almost any girl he wants (recruits). He took a long shot on the homeless murders (Brian Gregory) and it’s yet to be seen if that’s actually going to put his career back on track.
12. Boston College – Clay Davis – Ranked 300th in ppg, 311th in rpg, and 256th in apg as of today. You know what Clay would say.