Column: Defending Duke is inexcusable

The only thing worse than cheering for Dook is attempting to protect the team from others’ correctly-directed loathing. Besides being quite annoying and rather pathetic, it’s also a lost cause.

There is really nothing that you can say to convert someone’s opinion to align with that of those seen in this picture.  At least, not anyone with a opinion worth a damn. Where do these Dook defenders get off trying to convince us sane people that amateur fans like these are somehow right? Would you want to watch a game with them? Hell no.

But every year someone tries to extoll the virtues of the Dook program, and last season’s NCAA tourney run made it the worst year of recent memory. The even larger problem is, they all sound the same.

“Why do you hate a program of overachievers that continually plays by the book and has the best fans in college basketball?,” the columns ask rhetorically.

Because they are a bunch of asses. The fans aren’t really great, they just dress up and get loud. I have only met two people that could actually talk basketball and were Dook fans, and only one of them went to school there. The others just go because that’s what you do. It even takes rather lame cheer sheets to direct them on what to say. I would assume they also include that their team (Dook) is the one wearing white.

And that’s just one bone to pick with the “future doctors and lawyers of America” as Dickie V always puts it, after wiping the fecal matter off his lips. But if you need better proof of why disliking the Dook program, I direct you to this wonderful article by Andrew Sharp.

He broke it down very well. Coach K really is the prickish weasel we all thought he was. The program is not as clean as they make you think.  And really goes to town on the whole program with a lot of support to back him up.

Yet articles like these from the Washington Post continue to pop up. In this edition of  “Look, I’m an unbiased journalist and don’t hate on Dook,” Mike Wise says it all comes down to envy. Excuse me Mike. We’re Carolina fans. We have more beautiful women, more recent success on the court and our own hall of famer in Roy Williams, as well as players that don’t make you want to just punch them in the face because they look funny. What do we have to be envious about?

There were those couple years there where Dook seemed to be hitting the skids. It limped into the NCAA tournament after finishing the ACC season with a .500 mark. UNC was winning NCAA championships and bullying Dook int he head-to-head match-ups. And you know what? I never hated Dook more. I wanted to see them crushed. I wanted that smirk crushed off K’s face. I wanted more mysterious ailments to stricken the coach so that he would take elective surgeries to hide the shame and grief.

Like the book of the same name says, to hate like this is to be happy forever. It’s in our DNA as Carolina fans to hate Dook. To get wasted on a weekday afternoon when Roy Williams appeared on Harrison Barnes’ skype account. To want to commit arson when driving down Erwin Road in Durham and seeing a 2010 NCAA championship banner from some building scaffolding.

And at least we’re not alone. Ben Cohen wrote a piece for Deadspin last year about, you guessed it, why you shouldn’t hate Dook. It was uninspired. Well, the Duke grad came back this year with a doozy for the website. “Devil’s Advocate,” where he would give another reason why our hatred is wrong every week. Well, either he ran out of content or nobody cared enough to read the article because there hasn’t been a new post since the Devils were 10-0, or about two months ago.

Guess everybody was thinking the same thing:

Go to hell, Dook.