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  • bwineka 2:57 pm on February 8, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Dook, ,   

    Preview: Duke at UNC 

     

    We always attempt to write a Duke wrap-up, but it never truly works. UNC fans always know as much about the enemy as we do ourselves. No matter how much it tries to be shoved down our throats, we will never be fooled into thinking Ryan Kelly, Tweedle-Miles or Tweedle-Mason are serviceable big men. Yeah, they have some guards that can score points. Yeah, these games are always close, even in years that one program is on a downward spin. It is UNC-Duke. The greatest rivalry in sports. What more can be said?

    How about an straight-forward look at some numbers first.

    UNC ranks 1st in the nation in scoring (84.1) while Duke sits at 11th (79.8).

    UNC ranks 1st in the nation in rebounding (46.3) while Duke sits at 104th (36.0).

    UNC ranks 4th in the nation in assists (18.2) while Duke sits at 131st (13.3).

    Duke ranks 21st in in the nation in field goal shooting (.482) while UNC sits at 48th (.470).

    What this says. UNC does in fact have better big men. UNC knows how to pass the ball (like, to big men). UNC’s one major stat that Duke outranks it in is a negligible amount (1 percent) that doesn’t matter considering UNC still scores almost five more points per contest and pulls down ten more rebounds.

    UNC’s two highest scorers (Barnes and Zeller) outscore Duke’s highest scorers (Rivers and Curry) and its highest rebounders (Henson and Zeller) also outrebound Duke’s (the Plumlees).

    Also, where the hell is Ryan Kelly in all this?

    Like any UNC-Duke game, this one should be one for the ages. A battle of top ten opponents will live up to the hype yet conclude with a mass of UNC students rushing to Franklin Street to set shit on fire. It happens. We’re used to it. But it never gets old.

    Duck Fook.

    Prediction: UNC 82, Duke 76

     
    • Gthc 6:49 am on February 10, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      Um…if one team shoots 48% while taking a ton more 3’s while another team
      shoots 47% with basically no 3’s it means the former is a MUCH better shooting team than the latter. And games are always close? I guess you’ve it’s repressed 2010 out of existence

      • admin 11:08 am on February 10, 2012 Permalink | Reply

        Gthc,

        We never said Duke wasn’t a better shooting team. In fact, the stats mentioned indicate they are. We simply said it was negligible as UNC scores just as many points. There are these things called two-pointers and free throws.

        And I’d say we also hit the nail on the head by saying the game would be close. As far as 2010, one aberration of a game from two years ago doesn’t’ negate DECADES of close games. UNC has blown out Duke in the past as well. Perhaps you remember the 101-87 thrashing in Cameron from 2009?

        Way to comment two days after the game.

        Sincerely,

        The Management

  • bwineka 8:38 pm on March 28, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Dook, , jimmy fallon, ryan kelly   

    Dook gets ethered by Jimmy Fallon 

    Ryan Kelly gets it pretty good.

     
  • bwineka 11:13 pm on March 6, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Dook, , , ,   

    Roy Williams Tie Tracker: Duke 

    One thing all UNC fans have come to know, love and expect of Roy Williams is his fashionable selection of ties, most often courtesy of Chapel Hill outfitter Alexander Julian. The same man who put the argyle on the side of the basketball uniform is still turning heads with what he’s putting around Ol’ Roy’s neck. So, here at The Rafters we decided to pay homage to the best accesory in college hoops, if not the entire sporting world, and document every tie Roy Williams wears this season.

    No words. Just enjoy. #2011ACCChamps

    Here’s this years stats:

    Exhibition: Barton, W 108-67 – Plain Carolina blue tie with white pocket square, white shirt and pinstriped suit, no Tar Heel lapel pin

    Game 1: Lipscomb, W 80-66 – Beige tie with light blue diamonds and brown accents with white pocket square (for part of game), white shirt and pinstriped suit, no lapel pin

    Game 2: Hofstra, W 107-63 – No tie, Carolina blue polo with interlocking NC logo on chest,  Power Balance bracelet

    Game 3: Minnesota, L 67-72 – No tie, striped blue and white polo with interlocking NC logo on chest, Power Balance bracelet

    Game 4: Vanderbilt, L 65-72 – No tie, white polo with several blue stripes with interlocking NC logo on chest, no Power Balance bracelet

    Game 5: UNC-Asheville, W 80-69 – Purple gradient tie with pink square accents with Carolina blue pocket square, Carolina blue shirt and no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet

    Game 6: College of Charleston, W 74-69 – Carolina blue with zig-zagging right angles with slim, white pocket square, white shirt, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 7: Illinois, L 67-79 – Black and silver paisley tie with white pocket square, white gridded shirt, sublimated plaid blazer, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 8: Kentucky, W 75-73 – Very light Carolina blue tie with white pocket square, white and Carolina blue vertically striped shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 9: Evansville, W 76-49 – Solid tie with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 10: Long Beach State, W 96-91 – Carolina blue and navy squares with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 11: Texas, L 76-78 – Carolina blue tie with diagonal striped with blue pocket square, white shirt, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 12: William and Mary, W 85-60 – Purple gradient tie with pink square accents with Carolina blue pocket square, Carolina blue shirt and no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 13: Rutgers, W 78-55 – ?

    Game 14: St. Francis, W 103-54 – Purple tie with blue, olive and violet accents, white shirt with white pocket square, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 15: Virginia, W 62-56 – Blue crosshatched tie, white shirt with white pocket square, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 16: Virginia Tech, W 64-61 – Carolina blue with zig-zagging right angles with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 17: Georgia Tech, L 58-78 – Solid tie with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 18: Clemson, W 75-65 – Very light Carolina blue tie with white pocket square, white and Carolina blue vertically striped shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 19: Miami, W 74-71 – Carolina blue and white plaid with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 20: NC State, W 84-64 – Carolina blue and brown diamond designed with white pocket square, white shirt and Carolina blue jacket, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 21: Boston College, W 106-74 – Purple gradient tie with pink square accents with white pocket square, white shirt and no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 22: Florida State, W 89-69 – Blue textured tie and two pocket squares (blue and white) alternating in the pin-stripe suit. Blue shirt with white stripes and a white collar.

    Game 23: Dook, L 73-79 – Carolina blue and navy squares with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 24: Clemson, W 64-62 – Blue crosshatched tie, white shirt with white pocket square, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 25: Wake Forest, W 78-64 – Purple and Teal square pattern tie, white shirt with white pocket square, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 26: Boston College, W 48-46 – Purple gradient tie with pink square accents with white pocket square, white shirt and no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet

    Game 27: NC State, W 75-63 – Carolina blue and brown diamond designed with white pocket square, white shirt and Carolina blue jacket, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 28: Maryland, W 87-76 – Carolina blue and navy squares sans pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 29: Florida State, W 72-70 – Carolina blue and navy paisley tie with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 30: Dook, W 81-67 – Very light Carolina blue tie with white pocket square, white and Carolina blue vertically striped shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    [Photos by  N&O and InsideCarolina]

    http://www.twitter.com/RoysTieTracker

    Facebook Fan Page

     

     
  • bwineka 3:09 pm on February 11, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Dook, ,   

    Roy Williams Tie Tracker: Dook 

    One thing all UNC fans have come to know, love and expect of Roy Williams is his fashionable selection of ties, most often courtesy of Chapel Hill outfitter Alexander Julian. The same man who put the argyle on the side of the basketball uniform is still turning heads with what he’s putting around Ol’ Roy’s neck. So, here at The Rafters we decided to pay homage to the best accesory in college hoops, if not the entire sporting world, and document every tie Roy Williams wears this season.

    Same thing we saw against Long Beach State.

    Here’s this years stats:

    Exhibition: Barton, W 108-67 – Plain Carolina blue tie with white pocket square, white shirt and pinstriped suit, no Tar Heel lapel pin

    Game 1: Lipscomb, W 80-66 – Beige tie with light blue diamonds and brown accents with white pocket square (for part of game), white shirt and pinstriped suit, no lapel pin

    Game 2: Hofstra, W 107-63 – No tie, Carolina blue polo with interlocking NC logo on chest,  Power Balance bracelet

    Game 3: Minnesota, L 67-72 – No tie, striped blue and white polo with interlocking NC logo on chest, Power Balance bracelet

    Game 4: Vanderbilt, L 65-72 – No tie, white polo with several blue stripes with interlocking NC logo on chest, no Power Balance bracelet

    Game 5: UNC-Asheville, W 80-69 – Purple gradient tie with pink square accents with Carolina blue pocket square, Carolina blue shirt and no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet

    Game 6: College of Charleston, W 74-69 – Carolina blue with zig-zagging right angles with slim, white pocket square, white shirt, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 7: Illinois, L 67-79 – Black and silver paisley tie with white pocket square, white gridded shirt, sublimated plaid blazer, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 8: Kentucky, W 75-73 – Very light Carolina blue tie with white pocket square, white and Carolina blue vertically striped shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 9: Evansville, W 76-49 – Solid tie with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 10: Long Beach State, W 96-91 – Carolina blue and navy squares with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 11: Texas, L 76-78 – Carolina blue tie with diagonal striped with blue pocket square, white shirt, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 12: William and Mary, W 85-60 – Purple gradient tie with pink square accents with Carolina blue pocket square, Carolina blue shirt and no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 13: Rutgers, W 78-55 – ?

    Game 14: St. Francis, W 103-54 – Purple tie with blue, olive and violet accents, white shirt with white pocket square, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 15: Virginia, W 62-56 – Blue crosshatched tie, white shirt with white pocket square, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 16: Virginia Tech, W 64-61 – Carolina blue with zig-zagging right angles with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 17: Georgia Tech, L 58-78 – Solid tie with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 18: Clemson, W 75-65 – Very light Carolina blue tie with white pocket square, white and Carolina blue vertically striped shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 19: Miami, W 74-71 – Carolina blue and white plaid with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 20: NC State, W 84-64 – Carolina blue and brown diamond designed with white pocket square, white shirt and Carolina blue jacket, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 21: Boston College, W 106-74 – Purple gradient tie with pink square accents with white pocket square, white shirt and no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    Game 22: Florida State, W 89-69 – Blue textured tie and two pocket squares (blue and white) alternating in the pin-stripe suit. Blue shirt with white stripes and a white collar.

    Game 23: Dook, L 73-79 – Carolina blue and navy squares with white pocket square, white shirt, pinstriped suit, no lapel pin or Power Balance bracelet.

    [Photos by  N&O]

    http://www.twitter.com/RoysTieTracker

    Facebook Fan Page

     
  • bwineka 1:04 pm on February 9, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: column, Dook, ,   

    Column: Defending Duke is inexcusable 

    The only thing worse than cheering for Dook is attempting to protect the team from others’ correctly-directed loathing. Besides being quite annoying and rather pathetic, it’s also a lost cause.

    There is really nothing that you can say to convert someone’s opinion to align with that of those seen in this picture.  At least, not anyone with a opinion worth a damn. Where do these Dook defenders get off trying to convince us sane people that amateur fans like these are somehow right? Would you want to watch a game with them? Hell no.

    But every year someone tries to extoll the virtues of the Dook program, and last season’s NCAA tourney run made it the worst year of recent memory. The even larger problem is, they all sound the same.

    “Why do you hate a program of overachievers that continually plays by the book and has the best fans in college basketball?,” the columns ask rhetorically.

    Because they are a bunch of asses. The fans aren’t really great, they just dress up and get loud. I have only met two people that could actually talk basketball and were Dook fans, and only one of them went to school there. The others just go because that’s what you do. It even takes rather lame cheer sheets to direct them on what to say. I would assume they also include that their team (Dook) is the one wearing white.

    And that’s just one bone to pick with the “future doctors and lawyers of America” as Dickie V always puts it, after wiping the fecal matter off his lips. But if you need better proof of why disliking the Dook program, I direct you to this wonderful article by Andrew Sharp.

    He broke it down very well. Coach K really is the prickish weasel we all thought he was. The program is not as clean as they make you think.  And really goes to town on the whole program with a lot of support to back him up.

    Yet articles like these from the Washington Post continue to pop up. In this edition of  “Look, I’m an unbiased journalist and don’t hate on Dook,” Mike Wise says it all comes down to envy. Excuse me Mike. We’re Carolina fans. We have more beautiful women, more recent success on the court and our own hall of famer in Roy Williams, as well as players that don’t make you want to just punch them in the face because they look funny. What do we have to be envious about?

    There were those couple years there where Dook seemed to be hitting the skids. It limped into the NCAA tournament after finishing the ACC season with a .500 mark. UNC was winning NCAA championships and bullying Dook int he head-to-head match-ups. And you know what? I never hated Dook more. I wanted to see them crushed. I wanted that smirk crushed off K’s face. I wanted more mysterious ailments to stricken the coach so that he would take elective surgeries to hide the shame and grief.

    Like the book of the same name says, to hate like this is to be happy forever. It’s in our DNA as Carolina fans to hate Dook. To get wasted on a weekday afternoon when Roy Williams appeared on Harrison Barnes’ skype account. To want to commit arson when driving down Erwin Road in Durham and seeing a 2010 NCAA championship banner from some building scaffolding.

    And at least we’re not alone. Ben Cohen wrote a piece for Deadspin last year about, you guessed it, why you shouldn’t hate Dook. It was uninspired. Well, the Duke grad came back this year with a doozy for the website. “Devil’s Advocate,” where he would give another reason why our hatred is wrong every week. Well, either he ran out of content or nobody cared enough to read the article because there hasn’t been a new post since the Devils were 10-0, or about two months ago.

    Guess everybody was thinking the same thing:

    Go to hell, Dook.

     
    • SEO 7:26 pm on March 21, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I love to share knowledge that I’ve accumulated through the
      year to help enhance team performance.

  • bwineka 12:34 pm on November 16, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: all-access, art, , Dook, , , , , painting, poetry   

    Finally, a suitable replacement for JJ Redick’s poetry 

    Although it’s been several years, it’s still fun to make fun of JJ Redick’s redickulous prose. But it’s beginning to become outdated. JJ isn’t quite as much of a joke he used to be as he is almost an asset to a very good NBA team. Almost, but still, the guy has value on a professional level. Maybe not as much value as a Tar Heel on the same team, but some value.

    Last week we were blessed with another Dookie’s  creative “talents” – Kyle Singler’s.

    While this video makes me not loathe him as much, a feature on ESPNU’s all-access of the Dook basketball team gives us all another reason to clown on the senior. Check out the video below.

    Several quotes here:

    “I got good at it.” The Rafters can think of many adjectives to describe this wall mural. Good is not in that list.

    “The whole idea of this is God, basketball court up in the clouds, hoop dreams. Kind of a tribute to the team last year.” Not even a Carolina fan could have thought of such a horrible, demeaning tribute to put up in the Dook players lounge to commemorate a national championship. Thank you, Kyle Singler, for something so insulting, not even a Tar Heel could have thought of it.

    So there it is ladies and gentlemen. JJ Redick’s poetry has now been replaced by Kyle Singler’s artistry. Commence insulting.

     
  • shwineka 1:45 pm on November 8, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: All America, , Barry Jacobs, , , , , , , , Dook, , , , , , , , StubHub, , , ,   

    Monday (Carolina) Blues 

    (Photo by newsobserver.com)

    The first public scrimmage is in the books, and eerily it’s quite the same as last year’s results. Barry Jacobs at TarHeelBlue pointed out recently how similar this season has begun compared to last season, and the connections keep on coming. Last year, Carolina toppled Belmont Abbey by 48 in exhibition before the roller coaster began. This year? Barton by 41.  Twilight Zoneish right? Not really. In the 2008-’09 championship season, UNC’s exhibition victory over UNC-Pembroke was 40 points. It happens every year. Now, more about that scrimage:

    • Justin Watts played well, even when stepping into the Four position. It appears Watts will be relied on to spell Zeller and Henson, while giving up eight and six inches to them respectively. His athleticism and strength are allowing him to step into this role. I like this development. With Watts in there playing small, he could draw his potentially (much) bigger defenders out of the lane to create space, or even to create a mismatch with his speed. Jury is still out on his driving capability, though. And as Adam Lucas points out, Watts played well in the exhibition game last year.
    • Harrison Barnes didn’t quite perform at a preseason AP All-America level, but hey, he’s still a freshman (human). Playing in front of thousands in the Dean Dome has got to rattle your nerves a bit. His low point total, seven, wasn’t as much of a concern as the turnovers, six, but again as Roy expressed after the game, Barnes’ work ethic is notoriously Hansbrough-esque, and this game might just have been an anomaly.
    • Now, enough criticism, how about some highlights?
    • This seems odd. Can anybody explain to me the abnormal number of positive posts on this Duke message board regarding the Tar Heels?
    • Departing from the exhibition coverage, Bleacher Report (in its typical annoying slideshow format) lists the Tar Heels as one of the teams most likely to beat Duke this year, but we already knew that.
    • Another from the desk of Captain Obvious, but AP listed Barnes as one of its six freshman to watch.
    • The Daily Tar Heel’s basketball preview, in all its attempting-to-remain-objective glory. Not knocking the DTH, they do a great job, but c’mon, how can they pretend they’re not UNC fans? I worked at the DTH, and I never tried to get on the sports desk for that very reason. Predictably, I started writing for a blog where I can say whatever I want. Go J-School diploma!!
    • Some more DTH-ness, UNC will be selling basketball tickets on StubHub this year.

    Lastly, there are only four days until all is right with the world again and the argyle is flying up and down the hardwood in Chapel Hill. It’s been too long. Carolina’s opponent, Lipscomb, was so nice as to make this quick facts sheet on their team. A more comprehensive preview will be coming.

     
    • Fats 1:37 am on August 13, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      Play ifnoartmive for me, Mr. internet writer.

  • shwineka 2:32 pm on October 29, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , David Michael Dupont, Dook, , , jeff goodman, Kenny Powers, Rally to Restore Sanity, , , , ,   

    Friday Links 

    • Big thanks to @TarHeelWire (Follow Friday, everyone!) for pointing out the stark, and I mean STARK, differences in two covers of the USA Today’s college hoops preview. Check out Harrison Barnes’ cover, and now Duke’s. If you did not previously know who these players were, which ones would seem more like freshmen in their picture? I thought so, too.
    • USA Today was full of good stuff. Here’s a special message that Nolan Smith received when he ordered something from Nordstrom. Apparently, Smith likes his online shopping, or something, but someone involved in shipping does not like him.
    • Sticking with the Devils, you probably saw they were voted No. 1 in the AP poll as well. But go here and vote against them!
    • UNC’s graduation rate among basketball and football players is much higher than the national average. And remarkably, UNC’s basketball graduation rate is higher than Duke’s.
    • Barnes and Bullock make Jeff Goodman’s list of freshman to watch.
    • Meet junior David Michael Dupont, who grew up a Duke fan and is now playing for UNC. Don’t worry, he converted his fandom.
    • Eerily similar position to be in this year compared to last year.
    • The twisted tandem of twitter and teenage college athletes.  Er.. and some in their 20s.
    • This video kind of brings a tear to your eye. She’ll be cursing Durham before you know it. Sniffle.

    And lastly, in a nod to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, which the DC-based Rafters bloggers will be attending tomorrow, here is your moment of zen: Brian Wilson – The Real Kenny Powers.

    (And if you need to know who Kenny Powers is, go here)

     
  • shwineka 2:53 pm on October 21, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Dook, , , , J.P. Giglio, Jessica Breland, , , ,   

    Major Linkage 

    We’ll try to keep you updated with all the interesting articles about UNC basketball that come along in segments like this. Here’s what’s happening in the Heels Hoops world:

    1. It may not be legitimate, but the Tar Heels got a first place vote in the preseason ACC media poll yesterday. Hey, we’ll take it any way we can get it. In a surprise to no one, Harrison Barnes was voted preseason conference rookie of the year. Flash ’em that smile, Harrison.
    2. In the end, the Heels finished third in the voting, behind Duke and Virginia Tech. This is a pretty high ranking considering the Heels’ performance last year, but the entire league, with the exception of VT and Dook is pretty young. So if the entire league is young, why not UNC?
    3. TarHeelBlue has some audio interviews with LD, Dex, Big Z and Henson.
    4. Sticking with THB, here’s an article on grad student transfer Justin Knox.
    5. The News & Observer’s J.P. Giglio tells us about the players in the ACC not named Harrison Barnes, C.J. Leslie or Kyrie Irving. In other words, the veterans.
    6. We usually stick to the men’s team at The Rafters, but this is a great story about Jessica Breland of the Lady Heels. She’s playing for UNC this year after coming back from a battle with cancer last year.
    7. The Fayetteville Observer tackles the preseason rankings.
     
  • bwineka 10:13 am on October 12, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Billy Cunningham, , Bobby Jones, Brad Daugherty, , , , Charles Scott, cherokee parks, , , Dook, , , , , Elton Brand letter, , , , Jeff Capel, Jeff Mullins, , , , , Lee Shaffer, , , Pete Gaudet, Rasheed Wallace, , , , , , this is why duke sucks, , , Walter Davis   

    The Real Duke F-List 

    Of all the barbs and insults thrown in the direction of Dook University by Tar Heel fans and sensible people alike, how many are truly at the fault of the speaker? The Durham Clown College brings these things on themselves, you see. Even the Dook coeds not associated with the basketball team are not immune to this self-deprecating nature, take the recent “thesis” by one of the lovely ladies there on campus. Because we at The Rafters like to keep things clean, we’ve created our own version of the infamous “F List.” Our “F,” however, stands for fail.

    1) Redickulous-ly Gay

    This list could start and end with JJ. And where to start? The pouty lip face made after baskets that’s normally reserved for sorority girls trying to look cute? The t-shirt to cover up the atrocious back acne? The poetry is the kicker though.

    Sports Illustrated did a feature on JJ back in ’05 where he proudly read some of his stanzas with the nation. Personal favorite?

    I can’t see what my future has in store
    but I move forth with the strength of a condor

    JJ also came out last year saying he was part of a rap supergroup. The group’s first single to be titled “Waste Management” has yet to see the light of day. Here’s to hoping that album makes it to Best Buy soon.

    2) For this, there is no alibi

    While JJ was able to cover up some of his physical ailments with extra layers, some of his fellow teammates and alums were not so lucky. We’ll limit this list because we’re sure you don’t have all day.

    How do heads ripple like Shane Battier’s?

    When I think of Cherokee Parks, I think “true grit.”

    Somehow this man named Sheldon bagged Candace Parker.

    Too many to choose from.

    Growing that beard and pretending to be coordinated fooled no one Zoubek.

    Some people look bad with either short or long hair. Kyle Singler looks like death either way. Did anyone see the Da Vinci code?

    3) The Rat King

    Coach K could also be in the above section. The driver of the clown car does many things that warrant an “F,” but the prime example dates back to the 1994-1995 season.

    Having lost to Arkansas in the NCAA final in Charlotte the year before, the Duke team was, how do you say, rebuilding? Without going into full detail, the Duke team limped to a 13-18 record and 2-14 mark in the ACC, missing the NCAA and NIT tournaments. How, you may ask, did the great Coach K spend an entire season  on the sideline and watch this happen? Easy, he didn’t. Coach K left the team for elective back surgery and to treat his exhaustion after only 12 games. The team – and subsequent loses – fell on the shoulders of Pete Gaudet. We at The Rafters were in grade school during this episode, but were still able to understand the cowardly move. What also should be noted, one of the greatest games in the UNC-Dook rivalry took place on February 2, 1995 at Cameron Indoor Stadium. The game features two constant highlights – the Jerry Stackhouse reverse, baseline dunk over two Dookies and Jeff Capel’s half court heave to force a second overtime – and ended in a win for the Heels. Apparently Coach K was too tired to hang around for that one.

    4) I got my flippy-floppies

    This one can fall onto Coach K as well. By current calculations, Dook spends approximately 30% of practice time taking charges. Unfortunately, not enough basketball players take advantage of Dook’s theater studies major. More often than not, these charges tend to look like this.

    Even after stunts like that it’s amazing Dook’s marquee basketball camp still breaks attendance records every summer.

    5) Sincerely, Elton Brand #42 NBA

    Probably the best letter closing ever comes via a misguided attempt to chastise former Dook standout Elton Brand for leaving school early for the NBA. After one Dook alum somehow got ahold of Brand’s email, Brand shot back with what would make him an honorary Tar Heel in our book. Just read the transcript if in case you haven’t before.

    From: Taylor, Jennifer
    Sent: Friday, April 16, 1999 2:55 PM
    To: Brand, Elton
    Subject: Leaving Duke

    I graduated from Duke last May and just wanted to express my disgust for your decision to leave the Duke program after only two years. As an alum, not only do I hold the school in high regard, but the basketball program as well, especially since both have deservedly garnered such a great deal of respect for their accomplishments.

    As part of our basketball program, you represent Duke as a whole. We are first and foremost an academic school, you clearly did not belong at Duke in the first place if this was the extent of your commitment to Duke and a college education in general. You have not only insulted the current students who are putting in four years at a school they love, but also the thousands of alumni who have realized the value of a Duke education and what an honor and privilege it was to be there for four years.

    If you do not realize the opportunity you has infront of you to play for Coach K and at the same time attain a Duke diploma, then that is certainly your loss. I just wish that you has spared us the notion that you were continuing in the tradition of being a Duke student-athlete, in emphasizing excellence in both academics and athletics. You will not be considered part of the Duke family, in my mind as well as many others. You have by no means proved yourself worthy of that title.

    Sincerely,
    Jennifer Taylor

    From: Elton Tyron Brand
    Sent: Sunday, April 25, 1999 8:05 PM
    To: Taylor, Jennifer
    Subject: Re: Leaving Duke

    Thank you very much, for reminding me of the reason why I left Duke. People like you can not and will not ever understand my situation. I’m sure daddy worked very hard to send your rich self to college. While real people struggle. I would also like to extend an invitation for you not to waste your or my time ever again. Never being considered a part of your posh group of yuppies really hurts me to the heart. Yeah, right. Because I don’t care about you or your alumni.

    Sincerely, Elton Brand #42 NBA

    Boom, roasted.

    7) OH – VER – RAY – TED

    In a typical year, Dook makes the NCAA tournament. It’s also typical for them to draw a preposterously high seed, despite any shortcomings that might be obvious to the casual college hoops fan. I’m sure you’ve said to yourself before, “Gosh darn, Dook is so overrated this year.” Well, you’d be right.

    Since 1998, Dook has received nine No. 1 seeds, two No. 2 seeds, one No. 3 seed and one No. 6 seed – NINE No. 1 seeds! With those favorable seedings, Durham Tech reached four Final Fours. For a comparison, let’s use oh, I don’t know, UNC.  In that same time, Carolina has reached five Final Fours with a significant seeding disadvantage. First of all, the Heels didn’t even play in the tourney three of those years: 2002-2003, 2010. For the remaining years, UNC received five No. 1s, one No. 2, two No. 3s, one No. 6 and one No. 8.

    Say what you will about UNC not making the tourney, but the point is that the Heels – and any other team for that matter – are seeded realistically, rather than receiving their birthright top seed like their neighbors in Durham. You tell me which team is more overly hyped:

    UNC?

    From 1998-2010, 0ut of UNC’s five No. 1 seedings, the Heels never finished before the Elite Eight. They also tallied four Final Fours, three championship game appearances and two national championships.

    UNC also reached the Final Four as  No. 8 seed in 2000 – definitely underrated as the No. 8 and 9 seeds are perhaps the toughest in the tourney, with competitive games beginning in Round 1.

    Or Dook?

    From 1998-2010, out of Dook’s nine No. 1 seeds, they produced four Final Fours, three championship game appearances and two national championships – the same exact clip at which the Tar Heels produced but with almost twice as many No. 1 seedings.  The Devils also made the Elite Eight once. So what did they do with those four other egregiously high seedings you ask? All Sweet 16s. A Sweet 16 as a No. 1 seed means beating a No. 16 (the worst team in the tourney) and then an 8 or 9, then bowing out. Overrated.

    Oh, and then there’s 2008 when No. 2 seed Dook beat No. 15 seed Belmont by only 1 point in the first round and then immediately lost in the second round. Clearly not a two-seed caliber team that year. There’s also a personal favorite, when in 2007 No. 6 seeded Duke lost to No. 11 VCU in a highly predicted upset in the first round. Why keep ranking them so high if you expect them to lose, tournament committee?

    8 ) Smash Mouth would never write a song about Dook alumni

    A strange thing happened last year. For what I’m sure was the first time ever, the number of former UNC and Duke players on NBA rosters was even. Had the reputation of underachieving Dook players finally come to a halt? Hardly. Take some players sneaking onto rosters, examples Josh McRoberts and Shavlik Randolph, or still milking otherwise great careers, Grant Hill, but the curse is still alive and well. Without getting into full career stat breakdowns and awful draft busts – I’m talking about you William Avery -what’s the best way to measure greatness in the NBA? Easy, all-star game appearances.

    Dook alums boast 15 total roster spots in all-star games – Carlos Boozer, 2; Elton Brand, 2; Grant Hill, 7; Christian Laettner, 1; Jeff Mullins, 3. Subtract Laettner’s one because he was really a reserve addition and Brand’s two since both he and the Dook community have cut ties (see item 5), Dook’s grand tally equals 12 all-star game appearances.

    Michael Jordan has 14 NBA all-star game appearances.

    Damn.

    Feel free to take His Airness out of the equation and UNC has still occupied 51 other all-star game roster spots – Vince Carter, 8; Billy Cunningham, 4; NASCAR analyst Brad Daugherty, 5; Walter Davis, 6; Antawn Jamison, 2; Bobby Jones, 4; Bob McAdoo, 5; Charles Scott, 3; Lee Shaffer, 1; Jerry Stackhouse, 2; Rasheed Wallace, 4; James Worthy, 7.

    I think we’re done here.

    9) Dook sucks, this is why.

    If for any reason you need more reasons.


     
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